I love to go on dates. I love the excitement of trying to figure out what to wear so that my date thinks I look like a knock-out. I love taking a shower and shaving my legs before a date. I love to put on perfume so my date likes how I smell. I love going to the grocery store to buy frozen pizza for my daughter and the babysitter. I love glancing at the clock all afternoon getting more and more excited for the babysitter’s car to roll into the driveway. I love to hear my two, nearly three-year old daughter chatter all day long about how excited she is to have a babysitter coming. I love that the guy I date always opens my car door for me. I love knowing that all evening I’ll be the center of his attention. I love knowing that I’ll get to give him 100% of my attention.

I love talking with my date about what we’ll do on the date…will we eat a fancy dinner or go out for fast food? Will we go to a movie or ride the Ferris Wheel at Scheel’s? Will we sit in the mall and watch people or take a walk on a new-found bike path? Will we go mini-golfing or take a self-guided tour of downtown Fargo? The possibilities are endless! And really, it doesn’t even matter what we do on our dates. Sometimes we just sit in the car and eat yummy frosted donuts. Sometimes we sit at the tables inside the grocery store and eat our carton of ice cream right there. Sometimes we go to Target and make wish lists for the future. It’s just great to be together.

The thing I love most about my dates is this: I love it when my daughter says, “You going on date tonight, Mommy? You wear pretty necklace and earrings on date, Mommy?” You see, my daughter knows how important these dates are to Mommy, and I love that. Why is it so important? Because the man that I’m dating is her daddy, my husband. Our young daughter is growing up knowing that her mommy and daddy not only love each other, but DATE each other, and I love that.

My husband and I date. A lot. We aim for one date per week. Yes it can get expensive. But, sometimes expenses ought to be thought more of as investments. And what is more worth investing in than your marriage? We need our time together. We crave our time together. Sure we see each other at home all the time. But, if you’re married, you know how that goes. Our conversations at home revolve around the daily grind of family life – Did Lily poop today? Did Evie have any accidents today? Did the girls nap well? Did you pay that bill? Do you have any ideas for supper? What time do you need to use the car? Where did you put my keys? Why didn’t you finish the laundry? Can you please clean up this mess? You mean the dishes aren’t done yet? You know how the story goes…
And though we certainly make an effort to pay attention to one another at home and share our days’ ups and downs with each other each day, we also have two young daughters who have stories to tell and needs to meet.

However, on our DATES, we get quiet dinners, during which we actually look at each other across the table and talk…imagine that! And, we both eat our dinner when it’s hot, which rarely happens at home. Sure it can be costly, but we’ve actually discovered the fun of sharing a meal at restaurants…way more cost effective, and half the calories! Additionally, it’s simply something we’ve built into our monthly budget. If we’ve spent our entire dating budget half-way through the month, then we do free dates – look at books at Barnes & Noble, take a walk through a park, pack a picnic from home and find a great picnic area. It doesn’t have to be as expensive as people might think. Our dates give us 3-4 uninterrupted hours of “US” time every week, and that is priceless.

I once heard a very wise man say that the most important thing in being a good parent is to love your spouse. Dating my husband, though coming with a nice chunk of our monthly budget, keeps our relationship fresh. We get to forget about the bills and the laundry and the petty arguments and just enjoy each other. So many of my married girlfriends tell me that it’s been months since they’ve been out with their husbands. I understand…really. I understand the time issue, and the paying for the babysitter issue, and the cost of the date issue. But, seriously, it’s worth it. In fact, the more my husband and I go on dates, the more I’m convinced that we need frequent dates. Our marriage is fresh and alive. Our relationship has a new vibrancy to it. We are better parents not only because we’ve had a short break away from the house, but because we’re more in love with each other, and that makes us better, more productive people.

If you are married, please take your spouse out on date this week. Your child will love hanging with a high school babysitter for a few hours. You will love the freedom of walking out of your house knowing that for the next 3-4 hours you can be totally focused on the person with whom you fell in love years ago. If you’re not married, please do me a favor and promise yourself that one day, if you do get married, you will date your spouse.

I love sharing my everyday life with my husband, and I love parenting with him. I enjoy discussing the budget and the closet organization with him. I enjoy cooking dinners and cleaning up together. I enjoy tag-teaming together to put the girls to bed. I enjoy our time at home together when we both have the day off of work. I enjoy juggling our parenting and work schedules together. I enjoy it all, and altogether it makes life a total joy. But, none of this can take the place of being out on a date with my husband, when we take special time out of the rest of everything to remember why we’re doing it all…because when its all said and done, we are totally in love with each other.

By Rebecca Meidinger (Community Outreach Coordinator for MSC)

Today as I have been working at my desk, I’ve been feeling discouraged.  The world around me seems to be falling apart.  It appears that marriage, as an institution, is crumbling.  Each week I hear a new story of how some child’s parents are divorcing and how sad the child is because of it.

I kind of just want to scream at the top of my lungs:  HAS EVERYONE LOST THEIR MINDS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

First of all, contrary to what some people think, marriage is an amazing phenomenon, and I can think of a veritable cornucopia of reasons why:

• Marriage gives me someone to talk to, basically any time I want to talk
  
• Marriage makes me feel safe, because my husband has my best interest at heart
  
• My husband = a warm body to put my cold toes on
  
• Sex…without regrets, guilt, manipulation, or STD’s
  
• Marriage is the safest place for us to raise our baby, which was conceived after the wedding….
  
• According to the research, at the end of my life, I will be wealthier than my single girlfriends
  
• My husband prompts me to be the best person I can be, not only for my own sake, but his as well
  
• Marriage makes me look at my flaws and try to change my bad habits, because I don’t want to be mean or rude to my husband…looking at my flaws isn’t necessarily a bad thing
• According to the research, my husband and I both will be healthier than our single counterparts, throughout our lives
• When I put on 40 pounds during my pregnancy, my husband said I was beautiful…now that’s real love.

You know, there are a lot of marriages out there that are rotten.  I fully acknowledge that.  And there are a lot of rotten spouses.  But people seem to use that as an excuse to get divorced.  Why not try to become a better person?  Why not put your children and your spouse in front of your own selfish desires and personality quirks?  Why not be a bigger person, for the betterment of society as a whole..

What happens when one couple divorces?  What happens when one wife is cheated on?  What happens when one child grows up only seeing his daddy every other weekend and holidays?

Life, as they knew it, will never be the same.

It’ll never be the same for the man, woman, and children in that divorcing family.  Never, ever, ever, ever.  And don’t believe the people who say, “Children are resilient; they’ll bounce back from the divorce.”  It’s a lie.  Children are resilient, but they will never be the same again.  Maybe some children will have little fallout from the divorce…those children are few and far between.  The vast majority of children will have to deal with their parent’s divorce in some shape or form, for the rest of their lives.

Let me touch on one issue before I close.  If you’re reading this, and you’re a divorced parent, I’m not here to condemn past actions. Go forward and do better.  That’s all we can do.  Take what you’ve learned and teach your children about relationship skills, teach them about commitment, courage, facing challenges, and the simple fact that life isn’t easy.  Teach them to value honesty and integrity.  If you don’t know how to do that, learn.  It’s never too late.

If we lose marriage as an institution, we lose it all, folks.  Marriage is the building block for family; family is the building block for community; community is the building block for the state, the state for the nation, and the nation for the world.  If we lose the foundation of marriage, it won’t be long before we lose civilized society as a whole.

Let’s not screw this up, America.  I want a healthy environment for my son to find a wife.  He’s 8 months old.  What will life be like in 18 or 20 years?  It’s in your hands.  And your homes.

By Heather Bjur (Field Supervisor for Make a Sound Choice)